Today I Hurry Off to School...

It's that time of the year again. School zone lights are flashing off and on. Signs are up reminding us that talking on a cell phone and parking in the street are illegal. Traffic is backed up for blocks and blocks. Children are walking, running, and riding bikes down the sidewalk. And once again my alarm is set to wake me up early enough to get myself and five kids out the door and to school on time.

Normally I'm excited to get to this point. I mean, what I wouldn't give to get my kids back on a schedule; following a routine. It's been a crazy busy summer with a lot of changes. The kids and their sleeping patterns are all over the place. There isn't a downtime. By the time summer is coming to an end, I'm ready for things to get back to "normal". This year was pretty much the same, with the exception of sending my oldest son to High School. 

Can a mom ever really prepare herself for sending her kids off to school?

First there is pre-k. You watch your tiny immobile infant turn into a cruising toddler. From there you wake up one day staring a little mini person in the face. Before you know it they are reciting ABC's, counting, and listing off the colors on everyday objects that they see. You prepare yourself for that first day of preschool. It will be good for them. They will get to learn so much and put all of that toddler energy into good use. Still, it's hard. 

Then comes the first day of kindergarten. Why is it harder than the first day of preschool? It just is. Take my word for it. Your toddler is a big kid now. He or she is now their own little person. Different from anyone else. It's time again to send them off to put their new found energy into good use. But it won't be easy. While you prepare for the first day of school you watch as your child gets more and more excited with each passing day. You tell yourself all the stuff that you are suppose to; it will be okay. He/she will love school. He/she will make friends. It. Will. Be. Okay.
That first day as your walking your excited school aged kid to class you fight back the tears. It's silly. You aren't losing him/her. Don't be so emotional. But nothing works. The tears will fall. It is okay. In that moment that you hit the classroom door you see a side to your child that you haven't seen before. The excitement. The social butterfly. They will start little people conversations right before your eyes and suddenly you start drifting off into the distance. You'll get your big hug and kiss goodbye and you will walk out, backwards, watching as your big kid looks around and takes in his/her new surroundings and becomes king/queen of the jungle. As you walk back to your car suddenly every image of your child from belly to birth to sitting up to crawling to walking to running to talking to counting to reading plays over and over and over again in your head. The tears fall as the oh so familiar baby smell hits your nose and the soft tender baby snuggles hug your skin. Where did that come from? It's there. Always there.
Slowly it gets easier. There is no more walking him/her to class, "I'm a big kid, I can do it myself". The days go by fast and soon enough you are on to the next stage... 

Middle school. I think this is the easiest step by far. You had a lot of time to prepare. Chances are the almost pre-teen won't want you to walk them to class on the first day. They probably won't be too keen on public displays of affection either. During the next few years you will watch your pre-teen turn into a teen. Voices will change. Hair will grow in places they don't want to talk about. One day you will wake up looking up into your teens eyes... no longer staring at eye level. It's all a bit crazy, a bit fast, and pretty amazing at the same time. 

Then comes high school. Let me just say that reaching high school with your kids is one of the most amazing feelings in the world. Even though you may not realize it, chances are you question from time to time if your child will ever make it to high school. As the days count down and it gets closer and closer you feel this heavy sadness inside. Four more years plays over and over again in your mind. It doesn't matter how many times your kid reassures you that 4 years is a long time... you know better. It is going to fly by. It's almost like the beginning of the end. You wonder what will happen in the next 4 years. Who will he/she become? What kind of decisions will they make? Did you do a good enough job?
The first day wasn't hard for me. Okay... maybe it was a little. It was the night before that really sent me off the emotional end. I bawled like a baby. Instead of sleeping to prepare myself for the first school day, I lay in bed replaying the last 14 years. That familiar baby smell was back. The soft baby skin was lightly touching my skin. The sounds of cooing were in my ear. I remembered every little thing that you normally only remember when you pull out the photo album that has been sitting on your shelf for years. It was all there. So fresh in my mind. I cried myself to sleep dreaming of all the wonderful years that led us to where we are today.
The next morning I held it together. I wouldn't cry. I said goodbye and wished him a good day. When he got out of the car he was 4 and singing songs about poop. When he walked into the school doors he was 14 with the entire world at his fingertips.

Build Me A Son...

Tuesday, March 16 at 5pm, I was sitting on my bed chatting with Casey on IM when my water broke. We were 36 weeks pregnant with our first baby together. It took us almost a year to get pregnant with him and we were so excited to welcome him to our family!

Casey hurried home from work, as fast as he could in 5pm Austin traffic. We made it to the hospital around 6:30pm with my contractions were coming every 3 to 5 minutes. It was around 9:00pm when the doctor on call broke my water. When she checked me, I was 6cm's dilated.
I was fully dilated by 10pm and ready to push. I told the nurses I was ready and they asked me to hold on so they could get the doctor. She came running in just in time for the first push. Four more pushes and he was out! 10:23PM Pacey Monroe made his grand entrance into the world!!
I remember her asking Casey if he wanted to cut the umbilical cord. He hesitated and said he was freaked out because it was so big!! :) She ended up cutting it.

I was so happy when she placed him in my arms. I felt like we had waited so long to have him and holding him was the most amazing feeling ever. 

Over the next hour we studied every bit of him. He was perfect but it wasn't long before we realized that something was up. His face was really purple and bruised looking, only he hadn't been in the birth canal long enough for his face to look like that. I knew what was happening before anyone said anything to us. I remember sitting on the bed and telling Casey that I don't think I could handle having another NICU baby. See, I had been in this situation before when Sequel was born. He was also born at 36 weeks and looked bruised and purple right after delivery. He ended up spending four days in the NICU.
Shortly after I made that statement to Casey a nurse walked in and explained to us that Pacey wasn't breathing on his own. They had to take him to the NICU for a better observation.
He ended up spending one week in the NICU. It was the longest week of our lives. I was lucky enough to nest at the hospital while he was there and I spent every moment I could with him.

I still remember the day we got to take him home. It was just the tow of us and it was raining. He slept the entire way home.

Back in 2004 I kept a writing journal. I looked back and found an entry that Casey had written when Pacey was 4 months old.
Here it is...
Today is a normal Saturday. This morning I woke up and Pacey was next to me. He was just waking up too. It was about 9:25am. We laid in the bed and talked and played for about 30 minutes. He is almost 4 months old, and I love him so much. He is the most precious baby ever!

Another post by me two days later...
Pacey is almost 4 months old. He has grown and changed so much over the last few months. He is so so adorable! I have enjoyed watching him, bonding with him. I love the way he lights up when he sees Casey and the way he squeals when they "talk". He just started sticking his tongue out and blowing bubbles. So precious.

A post from his first birthday...

There is so much I have to write down because I never want to forget this. He waves bye-bye using his whole arm, sometimes both arms. He gives open mouthed kisses and will kiss Casey on his head while say muwah! He has this look where he smiles so big, scrunches his nose and squints his eyes! So cute! He smiles at strangers, the cutest smile. He rides in carts backwards. He likes playing at the park in tunnels and climbing on the rock stairs. He stands alone but won't walk yet. He plays on the floor with cars and trucks , making noises like he is driving them.

I will never forget.

I remember when Pacey was two he wouldn't talk. He only said a few words that he had picked up watching Dora. We found out a while later that he couldn't hear and he ended up having tubes put in his ears. I think back to how that day changed our lives. Once he learned how to talk... he never stopped! He goes on and on and on even today at 8 years old. He's such a smart and funny kid. I have enjoyed him so much over the years and I can't wait to see how he changes in the years to come. He's my sweet, handsome, talkative boy and still the most loving of all of our kids.
Happy 8th Birthday, Pacey!

Joelie is Three! Questions?...

What is your  favorite color?  Pink

What is your favorite toy?  Animals

What is your favorite fruit?  Banana

What is your favorite TV show? Lion King 

What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch? Sandwich

What is your favorite outfit? Dora Shirt 

What is your favorite game? Zingo 

What is your favorite snack? Chips 

What is your favorite animal? Lion 

What is your favorite song? Friday 

What is your favorite book? Simba and Bambi books 

Who is your best friend? Chase, Pacey, Mommy, Daddy, Venus and Sequel

What is your favorite holiday? Christmas

What do you like to take to bed with you at night? iPad 

What is your favorite thing for breakfast? Eggs with Cheese 

What do you want for dinner on your birthday? Cake

What do you want to be when you grow up? I'm gonna be Joelie and a mom. 

Mommy, You Are My Best Friend...

Those are words I hope to hear for the rest of my life! 

Five years ago I started dreaming about having one more baby, a girl. I was already a mom five times over to a handful of amazing boys... but I longed for a little girl to complete our family. I knew it wasn't something that I'd easily talk Casey into trying for. I remember him telling me when we found out that we were pregnant with Chase that we were DONE. There were no discussions about it.
 
For the next few years I accepted that we would never have a daughter. I stopped thinking about it and enjoyed making memories with my boys. It wasn't until Chase turned 2 and started outgrowing the baby stage that I started to feel the ache again. 

I became obsessed with reading blogs and forums about increasing our chances of conceiving a girl. I even found a local clinic that would spin sperm in unique situations to help a couple choose the gender. I gathered all my information and prepared myself to present it all to Casey. It was time to talk him into it.

I was shocked when he didn't slam the door in my face and actually listened and considered what I was saying. He wasn't thrilled about the idea of paying money to spin his sperm, so that wasn't an option. In the end he finally agreed... we would try ONE more time and if we didn't get our little girl, or even if we did... we were really DONE!
I was so thrilled! In October I started charting my ovulation. The blogs and forums I read all said to have sex 3 days before ovulation and always with me on top. Looking back it seems silly that I really believed in all the stuff that I read, but boy did I ever.
We didn't actually start trying until December. I followed the charts, we had sex like clockwork 3 days before ovulation and always with me on top.
It wasn't until June that I starting noticing the changes in my body. We were getting ready to move and I remember standing in front of the mirror, Casey walked in, looked at me and said, "You think your pregnant, don't you?" I told him yes. We didn't bring it up again.

The weekend of June 20th we started moving into our house. We were all suffering from Salmonella poisoning and ending up spending our first weekend home laying around puking our guts out. Sunday morning I woke up at 4am and decided to head to Walmart to get some more medicine for the kids... and pick up a pregnancy test. I took it when I got back home... POSITIVE! I knew it! 

I had no doubt  from the beginning that we were pregnant with a girl but I didn't allow myself to say it out loud until we had our gender ultrasound confirming it. That was a day I'll never forget. I cried so hard the sonographer had a hard time finishing the scan! I think Casey got a little teary eyed too!

It has been 3 years (come February 5th) since I first fell in love with my chubby cheeked, blue-eyed baby girl. She has proven to us all that she isn't just our dream come true. She's the gift that just keeps giving. We are all amazed by how loving and sweet she is every single day and by how much joy she brings all of us.

Happy Birthday to my sweet little girl!