It's that time of the year again. School zone lights are flashing off and on. Signs are up reminding us that talking on a cell phone and parking in the street are illegal. Traffic is backed up for blocks and blocks. Children are walking, running, and riding bikes down the sidewalk. And once again my alarm is set to wake me up early enough to get myself and five kids out the door and to school on time.
Normally I'm excited to get to this point. I mean, what I wouldn't give to get my kids back on a schedule; following a routine. It's been a crazy busy summer with a lot of changes. The kids and their sleeping patterns are all over the place. There isn't a downtime. By the time summer is coming to an end, I'm ready for things to get back to "normal". This year was pretty much the same, with the exception of sending my oldest son to High School.
Can a mom ever really prepare herself for sending her kids off to school?
First there is pre-k. You watch your tiny immobile infant turn into a cruising toddler. From there you wake up one day staring a little mini person in the face. Before you know it they are reciting ABC's, counting, and listing off the colors on everyday objects that they see. You prepare yourself for that first day of preschool. It will be good for them. They will get to learn so much and put all of that toddler energy into good use. Still, it's hard.
Then comes the first day of kindergarten. Why is it harder than the first day of preschool? It just is. Take my word for it. Your toddler is a big kid now. He or she is now their own little person. Different from anyone else. It's time again to send them off to put their new found energy into good use. But it won't be easy. While you prepare for the first day of school you watch as your child gets more and more excited with each passing day. You tell yourself all the stuff that you are suppose to; it will be okay. He/she will love school. He/she will make friends. It. Will. Be. Okay.
That first day as your walking your excited school aged kid to class you fight back the tears. It's silly. You aren't losing him/her. Don't be so emotional. But nothing works. The tears will fall. It is okay. In that moment that you hit the classroom door you see a side to your child that you haven't seen before. The excitement. The social butterfly. They will start little people conversations right before your eyes and suddenly you start drifting off into the distance. You'll get your big hug and kiss goodbye and you will walk out, backwards, watching as your big kid looks around and takes in his/her new surroundings and becomes king/queen of the jungle. As you walk back to your car suddenly every image of your child from belly to birth to sitting up to crawling to walking to running to talking to counting to reading plays over and over and over again in your head. The tears fall as the oh so familiar baby smell hits your nose and the soft tender baby snuggles hug your skin. Where did that come from? It's there. Always there.
Slowly it gets easier. There is no more walking him/her to class, "I'm a big kid, I can do it myself". The days go by fast and soon enough you are on to the next stage...
Middle school. I think this is the easiest step by far. You had a lot of time to prepare. Chances are the almost pre-teen won't want you to walk them to class on the first day. They probably won't be too keen on public displays of affection either. During the next few years you will watch your pre-teen turn into a teen. Voices will change. Hair will grow in places they don't want to talk about. One day you will wake up looking up into your teens eyes... no longer staring at eye level. It's all a bit crazy, a bit fast, and pretty amazing at the same time.
Then comes high school. Let me just say that reaching high school with your kids is one of the most amazing feelings in the world. Even though you may not realize it, chances are you question from time to time if your child will ever make it to high school. As the days count down and it gets closer and closer you feel this heavy sadness inside. Four more years plays over and over again in your mind. It doesn't matter how many times your kid reassures you that 4 years is a long time... you know better. It is going to fly by. It's almost like the beginning of the end. You wonder what will happen in the next 4 years. Who will he/she become? What kind of decisions will they make? Did you do a good enough job?
The first day wasn't hard for me. Okay... maybe it was a little. It was the night before that really sent me off the emotional end. I bawled like a baby. Instead of sleeping to prepare myself for the first school day, I lay in bed replaying the last 14 years. That familiar baby smell was back. The soft baby skin was lightly touching my skin. The sounds of cooing were in my ear. I remembered every little thing that you normally only remember when you pull out the photo album that has been sitting on your shelf for years. It was all there. So fresh in my mind. I cried myself to sleep dreaming of all the wonderful years that led us to where we are today.
The next morning I held it together. I wouldn't cry. I said goodbye and wished him a good day. When he got out of the car he was 4 and singing songs about poop. When he walked into the school doors he was 14 with the entire world at his fingertips.
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